A Simple Way to Navigate Arguments Without Losing Connection

An easy practice for staying connected when things get tense.

I have learned that arguments can be a place to dive deep and come out loving more, when the conversation stays grounded and present. This has been true in my romantic relationships, in parenting moments, in friendships, and even in the way I talk to myself. Tension shows up everywhere. What shapes the experience is how I stay with it.

Over time, there is one simple practice I keep returning to. I use it because it helps me stay connected when emotions rise. It helps conversations slow down and go deeper.

The SEW practice in simple terms

SEW stands for Sensations, Emotions, and Wants.

It is a way of speaking from what I am actually experiencing, instead of reacting automatically. When I use it in a tense conversation, the tone often shifts. The pace changes. Listening becomes easier.

This practice is commonly shared in relationship and communication teachings, including those from Tony Robbins. I use it because it brings clarity and connection when things feel charged.

Here is how I experience each part.

Sensations: noticing what is happening in the body

Every argument shows up in the body first. Sometimes I notice tightness in my chest. Sometimes my jaw clenches. Sometimes my breathing becomes shallow. When I pause and name a sensation, I feel more anchored.

For example:

• My chest feels tight.

• There is pressure in my stomach.

• My shoulders feel tense.

This keeps the conversation grounded. Sensations are immediate and real. They help me stay present.

Emotions: naming what I am feeling

Once I notice sensations, emotions become clearer.

I keep this part simple and honest.

For example:

• I feel frustrated.

• I feel hurt.

• I feel overwhelmed.

• I feel sad.

Research in emotional awareness shows that naming emotions improves communication. In my experience, when emotions are named directly, they tend to settle and soften.

Wants: sharing what matters to me

Behind every emotion, there is usually something important asking for attention.

This part gives direction to the conversation.

For example:

• I want to feel heard.

• I want clarity.

• I want reassurance.

• I want closeness.

When I name a want, the conversation often opens. It gives the other person something real to respond to. It creates space for understanding.

A moment where SEW changes the tone

I have seen this many times in close relationships. A moment of tension appears. Words come quickly. Assumptions follow.

When I pause and say something like: “I notice tension in my chest. I feel frustrated and a bit hurt. I want to feel considered.”

The atmosphere changes. The conversation stays human. The pace slows. Listening becomes possible again.

Why this practice supports deeper connection

SEW brings attention back to what is happening right now. It helps conversations stay clear. It reduces misunderstandings. It keeps both people oriented toward connection. Over time, this way of speaking builds trust. It allows honesty without distance. It supports repair when things feel strained.

A gentle invitation

You do not need to label this practice or explain it. You can simply keep it in mind.

The next time a conversation feels tense, try starting with what you notice in your body. Then name the emotion that is present. Then share what matters to you and what you want. See how the conversation responds to that level of clarity and presence.

Moments like this are where connection deepens naturally. That is what Time to Deepen looks like in everyday life.